Motherhood Yoyo

I often think - when will I get a moment to myself? This can then spiral me down into remembering my past self that could just get in the car and leave. Such freedom! This brings up grief for me. I grieve the flexibility I used to have and my spontaneous trips I would make just for fun. These thoughts can take me down two different paths. One side, I am able to see the benefits of motherhood and let go of the past version of myself. One the other side of the road, I feel completely trapped. Me, the independent woman prekids - now struggling to leave the house because that would require buckling in both children, packing extra clothes, the diaper bag, the snacks, the stroller (the list goes on depending on the destination). I am exhausted just typing it out. If I go down that first road, I am left feeling hopeful about future as a mother. I embody the strong protective mother archetype. I sense my nature extist to care for my young children is important work. If fall down the other road, I feel resentment toward everyone around me and honestly - anger. Anger I am not free to just go. To do whatever I want to do for however long I would like to do it without the worry about my children being in the back of mind at all time. I transition from either mental headspace multiple times a day. Thus, the yoyo of motherhood.